relationship with self

How To Failproof Your New Year’s Resolution – And Any Other Goal

“New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

— Mark Twain

The new year is a time to think about what you want to achieve and to set new goals accordingly. Proceed carefully, because unless you’re in the minority of people who succeed, your new year’s vision will soon cloud over and nothing will change.

A 2018 YouGov poll found that one in 5 Americans stuck to their resolutions. Other research suggests the same stats, 80% abandon their resolutions in the first quarter. More radical resolutions fail faster. The reason cited is lost motivation. The remedy: Find tools and tactics to keep you motivated — a productivity app, accountability buddy, or motivational coach.

If you suspect that motivation is your issue, it could be wise to try these remedies. Personally, I’m not for externally imposed motivation. It takes me back to catholic girls’ college and cantankerous nuns killing all manner of fun.

But it’s not only my personal experience (trauma) that makes me reject external motivational. When it comes to falling short of a goal, I believe something more fundamental sends our desires sideways or to the back-burner, or into oblivion.

Reduce Excess

“As there is no worldly gain without some loss, so there is no worldly loss without some gain.”

– Francis Quarles

We, humans, are acquisitive creatures. The archaic drive of the hunter and gatherer also powers modern lives. But unlike our lean-living, itinerant ancestors, we inhabit a world of oversupply and stagnation. We tend to sit, dig in, and hold onto things long past their use-by date.

Just as planet earth suffers from human excess, we individually bear this burden. While the bestselling book, The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up and zen-living gurus showed us — room by room, object by object — how to live with less, our less-visible hoardings still collect dust year after year.

Projects, skills, jobs, relationships, behaviors, and habits would also benefit from the life-changing habit because if we’re at full capacity with things set in motion in the previous years, piling on more won’t upgrade our quality of life or bring success — only the opposite.

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Ego, Shadow, Self – Which Is In Control?

Ego Shadow And Self

Most of our actions are unconscious. We simply react in real-time.

Modern neuroscience tells us we are consciously aware of about 5% of our thoughts. Most of our behaviors and emotions are reactions to the 95 percent of brain activity that occurs beneath our awareness.

At the root of our automatic, knee-jerk reactions to life is a lack of self-knowledge. Modern wisdom says you should just be yourself: very appealing because no effort is required. Older wisdom says you should cultivate the self because a consciously directed life is much more likely to satisfy and bring meaning.

According to Eastern and Western psychology, we have an ego/persona, a shadow, and a self. The simplest way to understand them is:

Ego is your identity, while the persona is the mask you wear to survive and thrive – your social personality.

Shadow is the aspect you hide so that you can integrate and find acceptance.

Self is your true inner nature, who you are, and who you always will be. It actually includes the ego and the shadow.

In many cases, identity and relationship issues, and mental health problems stem from these three parts of ourselves working independently (often in opposition) rather than in harmony with each other.

Psychological education and inner-reflection methods such as meditation create healthy, harmonious selves.

Where to begin?

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The One Thing You Can Do To Bring Yoga Into Every Situation

Did you know that you can engage in a yoga posture and a meditative state in almost any situation; while taking a meeting, shopping, working out, or socializing?

Here, we define a yoga posture as any position that enables deeper awareness, embodiment, and connection.

This practice needs no yoga props or special conditions. It only takes a decision to perform, and a skill, which can be learned and cultivated.

In today’s world, the majority of people are stuck in states of contraction (tension) caused by stress, strain, overthinking and overwhelm.

Unchecked contracted states eventuate in illness.

Contraction diminishes your life-force by cutting you off from parts of yourself.

  • Physical contraction cuts one part of the body off from another.
  • Psychological contraction cuts off self-awareness which creates anxiety.
  • Emotional contraction cuts off feeling and connection with others.
  • Spiritual contraction cuts you off from cosmic energies, which causes alienation.

Your feeling states, contracted or relaxed, also create a powerful impression which others can sense, for better or for worse.

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Should Your Passion Be Buried Or Reborn?

Christine, a 40-year-old Australian artist, now living in the US, almost fell into the wrong career and surrendered her passion. But a conversation with someone she greatly admired re-orientated her life.

Words by Christine

Art and the artist’s life were my passion all through my 20s, but my 30th birthday and a broken 8-year relationship gave me a harsh reality check. Then, a steady income became more important to me than anything else.

I’d worked part-time in aged care homes. With my new aim, I trained to gain a better income, and I soon turned full time.

I planned to paint in my spare time, but it became unsustainable with a hectic social life that involved a lot of wine (and other substances), art openings, parties, celebrations, etc. Although I continued to call myself an artist, life was fun, and pleasantly uncomplicated without actually making art.

Watching Success

Years flew by without a single painting being completed. Then over a 6-month period, I noticed a fellow artist, Lucas (whose work I respected), turning out an astounding amount of work – a solo show one month, a group show the next, paid commissions the next.

“Have you hired a secret helper,” I joked at one of his exhibitions? “Oh yes, ten little fairies,” he joked back. “Seriously, what has changed”, I pressed.

“I did a course about life purpose, and it messed with my head, in the best possible way,” Lucas said.

I remember his words because, although I was happy with my therapy work and doing more training to advance my career, the fact that I did not know my life purpose made me quite sad, and very curious.

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Pursue Your Purpose As Though Your Life Depends On It, Because It Does!

Medical science proves that purpose keeps you young, fit, and ALIVE!

One of the great satisfactions in life is to be fully aware of your life’s purpose. Equally, one of the great sufferings is to be ignorant of it.

Although the latter is far more common, many people give up pursuing their purpose too early and settle for less.

The question, ‘what is your life purpose’, can overwhelm us with anxiety, self-doubt, and existential angst.

People can become embarrassed and bewildered when the topic arises. Memories of failed efforts, regrettable life choices and a low opinion of potentialities can make us reluctant to venture there.

It can feel easier and safer to remain gilded to our habits, psychological patterns, and external structures even if they’re working against our best interests.

And it can feel destabilizing and risky to respond to the subtle voice of our inner calling because it almost always wants us to change and grow in an uncomfortable way.

You can resist your life purpose for years (or a lifetime) but, as many wisdom-keepers have advised over the centuries, a higher purpose can revolutionize your life.

Now medical science is substantiating this old wisdom and proving that life purpose directly impacts health and wellbeing.

Purpose as medicine

Various studies over the last decade show that a purposeful life positively influences:

  • Psychological well-being
  • Healthy brain function
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Muscle strength
  • Sound sleep
  • Immunity
  • Longevity
  • Satisfaction
  • Happiness
  • Mortality

The message is clear, life purpose is not something to be pursued at a (leisurely) later time.

Nor is it a luxury or indulgence only available to a talented few.

Life purpose is your individual gift. When discovered and expressed, it brings vitality, meaning, and satisfaction.

Here’s proof:

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How I Found My Inner Calling And Revolutionised My Life {Case Study of Louise Gardener}

Mother of two teenage children and owner of a prestigious UK social research company, Louise Gardener knew she needed to respond to an inner calling even though it threatened her status, finances, and lifestyle. Here’s how she discovered and answered the call.

Words by Louise

As a 40-year-old co-owner of a successful independent research company with a family of two teenagers, creating time to study the find life purpose course both challenging and life-changing.

Having graduated from Oxford University and married soon after, I worked as a special-effects and computer graphics producer with some of the biggest names in film and TV during my 20s, then decided I really wanted children as I turned 30.

Blessed with a healthy son and daughter by the age of 33, I knew that being present and caring for them was the most important thing, so I left the film and TV industry. I formed a company offering social research and analysis to the UK government, international charities and liaising between academia and public policy on issues of education, sustainability, health, and justice.

It meant I could align and orientate my work around my family.

A longtime friend, Sebastian Pole founder of Pukka Herbs pointed me in the direction of Big Shakti’s work. I am a lover of learning and found their meditations extremely effective. I enjoyed them daily with my young children after lunch.

When the Find life’s Purpose Course became available I was excited to take part. I found the learning process deeply engaging and supportive. The guidance, using the two wings of theory and practice to fly, encouraging action even if we make mistakes and taking as much time needed, resonated with me.

Through following the deceptively simple yet profoundly effective yoga and meditation knowledge and practices, I became increasingly aware of a gnawing feeling inside.

Something in me needed to be expressed.

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